Your Going To Miss This
by Blessedgrace
Summary: Your going to miss this aren't you?" Cynthia knows more than anyone thinks. This is Jenny's journey throughout her illness. The team and those around her show her what its like to be a family with those who you care about and the ones who care about you.
1. Gonna Miss This

She stood watching him from her perch on the catwalk of MTAC. She was leaning against the railing, signing off on some paperwork, when his actions had caught her attention. He was smacking the screen of his computer, apparently, it wasn't doing something right, and all she could do was roll her eyes at him. She made a mental note to go ahead an order him a new monitor; just in case. She watched as he typed on his keyboard; his glasses perched at the end of his nose. He was mildly talking to himself as he typed. She sighed turning back to her reports and looking down at her watch; she remembered the meeting she had with SecNav in twenty minutes in the darkness of MTAC. She looked around the squad room noticing that his team was missing. When she looked back at him, he was running his hand through his silver gray hair; she missed being able to run her hands through it. She had half a mind to go down and touch it while his team was away; she knew he wouldn't mind. The thought quickly dispersed as she heard the elevator ding and off stepped McGee and Ziva, they were discussing a traffic jam on the beltway. They both greeted Gibbs has they situated themselves at their desks. Gibbs nodded at them before turning back to his report. Soon Tony came rolling in singing along to his IPod; he was spinning in circles and making hand gestures as he came up to his desk. Jenny smiled; only Tony could enjoy making a fool of himself. She watched as Ziva rolled her eyes at him before turning to her computer. She was still standing there as Ducky and Abby came off the elevator. Abby was carrying her beloved hippo, and had accidently squeezed him and the hippo let out a long fart. The squadroom broke out in laughter, and she could have swore she seen Gibbs crack a small smile. She was so entranced watching them that she hadn't noticed Cynthia coming up beside of her.

"You're really going to miss this aren't you," Cynthia asked as she handed Jenny another file that was awaiting her signature.

Jenny looked at her questioningly, "What are you talking about." She hadn't told anyone about her illness, Ducky, her and her doctor was the only ones who knew.

Cynthia gave her a sympathetic smile, "your doctor called; he told me everything before I could stop him and tell him I wasn't you."

"Ahh," Jenny nodded as she looked once again upon the team that was formed below her, "Yes I am. They have become a family to me, so have you" Jenny looked back up to Cynthia.

"Thank you director," Cynthia looked up at the one that she had always admired. "How much longer," Cynthia questioned slowly; she knew she was treading on personal ground.

Jenny looked at her with a saddened look; "six months to a year maybe more" She gripped the file folder tightly.

"That gives you time to fight it," Cynthia smiled knowing that this woman in front of her wouldn't go down without a fight.

She merely shook her head, and thought to her-self, _"More than you know." _She looked back at Gibbs, their eyes slowly met; he smiled at her, and she returned it. They were speaking without words.

Cynthia watched at the reaction between the two, "he doesn't know does he?"

Jenny shook her head, "No, just you, Ducky, and I. Please Cynthia keep it that way."

"Yes, ma'am. I am always here if you need something," Cynthia turned to leave before she stopped, "Jenny, don't let this chance pass you by." She nodded to Gibbs before she returned to her office. Jenny merely smiled; she went back to watching the team before turning to go to MTAC.


	2. In the Eyes of a Little Boy

Jenny watched as Gibbs and his team flawlessly moved around one another as they bounced theories about their latest case off each other. Jen could tell that Gibbs was worried, it had been two days since the little boy they were looking for had went missing. They had run into a trail that had grown cold, but she knew that wasn't the only thing he was worried about. She could tell with every glance that he gave her that he knew something was wrong. She tried to make the look in her eyes as un-telling as possible, but he always could read her very well. She knew he had figured out what 'Jane Doe' Ducky was running blood tests for' Ducky had told her himself that Gibbs had taken a guess that it was for her. She really hated putting Ducky in this position, but she trusted him more than any other doctor. Sighing to herself, she really didn't know why she wasn't telling him; she thought maybe it was because she wanted to remain strong and didn't want to give him anything else to worry over. She knew deep down that wasn't really it; she really didn't know why. She was brought out of her own thoughts, when Abby and McGee came thundering into the squad room.

"Boss," McGee half yelled as he came running and almost slid straight into Gibbs.

Gibbs turned and glared at the young agent, catching his coffee before it toppled out of his hand, "McGee."

"Sorry," McGee took a small breath, "we were searching through Petty Officer Jon Jacobs's hard drive, and found an IP address that was positioned for a certain location. We found that the IP address was not just an IP address like we thought but actually belonged to a portable - "

Gibbs turned to Abby, "explain," he grumbled cutting McGee off mid-sentence.

"We got an address Gibbs," Abby happily explained as she stuck a green post-it note on the lapel of his jacket.

Gibbs picked it off and kissed Abby on the cheek, "Gear up" he stopped buy McGee and smacked him on the back of the head to get him to stop rambling about technological terms. McGee stopped suddenly wondering what was going on before grabbing his gear and following Tony, Ziva, and Gibbs into the elevator.

~J~

Jenny was sitting inside her office waiting on Jethro to get back. He had called an hour earlier saying that they had found the little boy, safe and unharmed, and that Gibbs needed her to watch the little boy after Ducky checked him over. She accepted, just happy that they had found the little boy and had the man that had taken him, into custody. Suddenly her door flew open, bringing her eyes off the reports she was signing. She looked up to see Gibbs walking in her office with a blonde hair boy curled up on his shoulder fast asleep.

"Fell asleep in McGee's lap on the way back," he shut the door with his foot, and at the sound of the door closing the little boy stirred, but rested back into Gibbs' shoulder.

She walked out from behind her desk, "put him on the couch." She sat down beside of the boy as Gibbs laid him down.

"I will send Ducky up in a minute," Gibbs nodded as he walked out the door.

Jenny watched as the four year old woke up and looked around the room before starting to cry, "Shh, it's okay," she picked him up and placed him in her lap, while rocking him back and forth. She looked up as Ducky entered the room, "Dr. Mallard, he just woke up."

Ducky nodded and rolled one of the chairs up to the side of the couch; he started speaking to the little boy, "Hi I am Dr. Mallard but my friends call me Ducky," he watched as the little boy cuddled up closer to Jenny. He took his stethoscope out of his bag; "what is your name" he questioned.

The little boy spoke very softly, "Wyatt," he lifted his head a little, and stared at the doctor. He looked up at Jenny, "You Jenny?"

She stared at Ducky for a moment before looking into the little boy's eyes, "Yes."

Wyatt set up straighter, "Gibbs told me about you. He said you were really nice, and I could talk to you. I like your hair." He stuck his finger in his mouth, before curling up on Jenny's shoulder again.

Ducky smiled up at Jenny, "He's right Wyatt, she is really nice, and you can talk to her and me if you want." He patted the boy on the leg, "is it okay I check you over?"

The boy nodded his head, "as long as Jenny holds my hand." He lifted his head to look at Jen. She shook her head yes in response, as Ducky started his exam.

Ducky smiled up at Jenny, "Wyatt, you look fine. Does anything hurt?" Wyatt didn't speak but merely shook his head no.

~J~

Later on in the evening, Wyatt was fast asleep on Jen's couch in her office. His parents were on their way to pick him up, and she was finishing the last of the paperwork so they could leave as soon as they signed them. She looked up over the rim of her glasses when her door was opened swiftly and in walked Agent Gibbs.

"Director," Gibbs merely stared at her, "Wyatt's parents are downstairs."

"Thank you Jethro," she finished the paperwork and handed him the folder; "we will be down shortly."

He nodded his head and made it to the door before turning around, "Jenny is there something you want to tell me?"

Jenny stood frozen on the spot; she chose to ignore his question, "go have his parents sign the forms." Jethro took his answer, turned on his heel, and left her office. She walked over to Wyatt and woke him up, "Wyatt, your mom and dad are downstairs waiting for you."

Wyatt slowly began waking up; he stared up at Jenny, "I get to go home?"

Jenny shook her head yes, and she took his hand in hers and led him out of her office, past Cynthia and down the stairs. Wyatt caught the sight of his mother and quickly let go of Jen's hand and went rushing down the stairs. Jenny watched him as his mother caught him in mid air, and kissed his forehead. She stood there watching as he was then handed to his father, and the little boy began giggling as his father flew him like an airplane above his head. Jenny caught the eye of his mother as she mouthed a thank you to her, and Jenny merely nodded smiling at the reunited family.

She caught Wyatt just in time as he came flying towards her, "thank you Miss Jenny." The little boy wrapped her in a hug. She picked him up, hugged him closer, and ran a hand through his soft blonde hair. It was times like these that she was reminded of what could have been. Wyatt let go of her and made a motion for her to listen closely. He leaned into her ear and whispered, "I think that Gibbs man likes you." Jenny smiled at the young boy, ruffled his hair, and whispered back, "you think so." Wyatt shook his head yes before running back to his mother and father. Jen glanced over at Jethro, who was staring in awe at her with his soft blue eyes; she was going to miss those blue eyes.

-NCIS-

A/N this story is over yet. It may be on hiatus for just a bit. This chapter was not really planned this way it kind of just started writing itself. This was kind of a fluff chapter. I will be updating more when I can. Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	3. Harder Than You Know

It had been weeks since that time in her office with the little boy Wyatt. Gibbs had continued to ask her if there was something she wanted to tell him, but she kept avoiding the question or ignoring him. Each time, he looked more hurt than the last. If he only knew how much that she really did want to tell him, he would understand so much of the cold shoulder that he had been receiving.

It was now closing time of yet another day. Jenny was packing her bags, when a subtle knock sounded on her door. She had just finished placing the last file in her briefcase, "Come in." She walked around to the shelf and sat the bottle of bourbon in its rightful place; she turned around to face a one certain Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Half shocked that he had actually knocked, she smiled at him "Something I can help you with Agent Gibbs?"She replied as she resumed her seat behind her desk. He didn't say a word but merely looked at her; he walked behind her and started massaging her shoulders.

She leant back into her chair, as he opened his mouth to speak, "Jen is there something you need to tell me?" He questioned her, spinning her around in her chair so that she was facing him.

She didn't know what to say; she bit on the bottom of her lip, forcing the tears that had swelled up from falling. She couldn't answer him, it hurt not knowing why she couldn't bring herself to tell him that she really did love him and that she was dying. She couldn't do that to him-could she? She turned away from him, feeling it best not to look at those piercing blue eyes.

"Jen" his voiced sounded hurt and worried; he placed his hand over hers, giving her reassurance that he was there for her.

She turned back to face him; she searched his eyes, looking for the strength to tell him. The strength to let him know that there was something that deep down she wanted him to know. She needed someone to be able to tell, someone who would be there for her when it got tough, and someone who would hold her close, and love her unconditionally. Someone who wouldn't judge her for her past, but who would only look toward the future, however small it maybe. She took in the features of his face, taking one last glance at his eyes; she knew that she had found that someone; he was standing in front of her. She wanted to tell him, but the words became choked and muffled as she began to speak them.

Gibbs looked down at her beautiful striking red hair and green eyes. Trouble, sadness, heartbreak, and confusion were settled into those green eyes. Green eyes that he had become too familiar with; he stepped around her and pulled her from her chair to the black couch.

She didn't know what he was doing, but she allowed him to pull her over to the couch. She sat down and watched as he sat down next to her. She felt him pull her close; she could smell the coffee, sawdust, and bourbon on him, her favorite smell in the entire world. She let the tears flow one by one down her cheeks, unable to hold them back any longer. Sitting this close flooded her mind with memories of what they were. She allowed her walls to crumble, because she knew that she was safe around him.

Gibbs didn't say anything, but allowed her to curl herself into his side; he put his arms around her to protect her from what was bothering her. He let his walls crumble, memories of the past came flooding to him, but more importantly a sense of the future. He ran his free hand into her hair, as she leaned her head on his shoulder, the smell of blackberry and vanilla made his heart jump with something that he had missed for years. He knew that he still loved her. He turned some to look at her and noticed the tears making their way down her cheeks. He brushed them away with his thumb, speaking softly, "Jenny, please tell me what is bothering you." He brushed another tear away before continuing, "Jen I care about you, and I am always here for you."

Her heart made a small leap; did she just hear what she thought she heard? He still cared about her. The small words were what she needed to hear. She turned to look at him once more, the blue eyes telling her that he meant every word he had just spoken. "Jethro, I am not well. I have a disease that my mother had. It will cause me to eventually lose all muscle function and will cause a lot of pain. Jethro, I will-" She choked on a waterfall of tears as she spoke the last words, "I will die."

The last three words she spoke cut holes in his heart, not his Jenny. She couldn't, it wasn't fair. So many things that she hadn't done, so many things she was yet to do, so many things that she didn't have. He was struck speechless; he wrapped his arms around her tighter and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Jenny, I don't want to lose you, I love you too much for that." The last words he spoke surprised himself, they were true, but he didn't know if she felt the same way.

The surprise on her face, she was sure was evident. "Jethro, I never stopped loving you. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left you. Jethro, please forgive me." She looked deeper into his eyes.

"Jenny you were forgiven a while ago." He smiled slightly, "A wise person once told me, that holding grudges was never a good thing, said it was bad for the soul and not to mention the heart."

She looked up at him in awe; he had really forgiven her, "Who told you that" she questioned.

He smiled at her; he used his finger to brush away another tear, "you."

-NCIS-

A/N I am sorry that I haven't updated this story in awhile. This chapter was defiantly emotional not only read but to also write. Jenny and Gibbs are out of character here somewhat. This story is far from over. More chapters will be coming, please be on the lookout for them. As always Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	4. His Jen Her Family

Gibbs watched as his team moved around the squadroom as he leant back in his chair, not really paying any attention to what his agents were saying. His mind was too busy replaying the events of the night before up in Jenny's office. He had known that something was wrong with her; he could always tell these things especially when it came to the people he cared about. She was really not going to be with him forever. He knew that one day they would be apart, but he figured that by then they would be old and grey. He laughed silently to himself, for he was already past grey, and he was pretty sure that Jen would die her hair before it ever turned grey. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when she was gone. He had already lost two loves of his life, and he sure didn't want to lose another. Not his Jen, the only one who had made him feel comfortable after he had lost his wife and his daughter. Jen was the only one who was so much like him, to the point that it was almost scary. He felt someone tap him on the shoulder; he was about to tell off the one who disturbed him before he noticed Jen's silver ring. He looked up to notice her smiling at him.

"I haven't seen that look since I told you no back in Europe, Jethro." She replied with a soft glint in her green eyes.

He smirked at her, "something I can do for you Jen?"

McGee, Ziva, and Tony's head shot up; they hadn't heard Gibbs call the Director 'Jen' in quite some time. Something must have happened to change their feelings about each other.

"Actually there is," she took a deep breath and noticed Gibbs' team watching them with curious eyes, "can we talk somewhere more private?"

Gibbs raised his eyebrows, "sure, follow me" he got up from his seat and strode over to the elevator. Jenny quickly followed behind him.

Once the elevator doors had shut and the elevator had made a screeching stop signaling that the emergency switch had been flipped, Tony, McGee, and Ziva turned to face each other. McGee was the first to speak, "What was that all about?"

Tony stood shaking his head, "I don't know McGoo. He called her Jen."

Ziva spoke up, "well that is his nickname for her, is it not."

"Yeah, but he hasn't called her Jen for over a month now" McGee turned back to look at Tony; he could almost see the gears in Tony's head turning. "What are you thinking Tony," McGee questioned only halfway being able to guess what the senior field agent had running through his head.

Tony smiled and silently laughed to himself, "Oh nothing, it's just weird that's all."

~j~

"You know Jethro, your team is rather nosy" she laughed as she could imagine what they were talking about.

He shook his head, "nah, they're just worried about mommy and daddy."

Jen turned to look at him her eyebrows raised, "they are actually the ones I wanted to talk to you about." She took a deep breath before continuing, "I don't want to lie to them. I don't want to have to tell them everything is okay when all I really want to do is break down and cry. I don't want to watch them suffer because they know something is wrong. I don't want them to believe that I don't trust them because the truth is I trust them with my life. I trust them the same amount that I trust you. I know that to them I am more than just director to them I am friend or as Abby would say I'm mommy." She finally took a break and wiped the fallen tears from her face.

Gibbs opened his arms wide, and Jenny willing walked into them. He hugged her close feeling the tears soak his shirt, but he didn't care. Jen needed someone to talk to, to rant to, and to just be there for her. He kissed the top of her head, "Jen, you don't have to lie to them. You can tell them as much or as little as you want. They will be there for you, so will I. Jenny they love you as more than a friend; they love you like a mom. They know that you trust them. I'm not going to say that you have to tell them, but I am going to tell you that you need them. This is one of the times of your life that you need those close to you. You need them for support, for love. You need them, and they need you." He stopped talking to let all of what he said have the ability to sink in.

She raised her head, "your right, I do need them more than I thought I would ever need them. Jethro, I'm scared; I don't really know what is going to happen, and I don't want to be alone. I want you; I want them. I want my family." She surprised herself with the last words she had spoken. She had always known that they were her family, but she had never mentioned it aloud until now.

"Jenny, look at me," she raised her head to where their eyes met; "you will never be alone through this. I will be there for every second, every moment, everyday. I will be there with you through this whole thing, and if you ask they will be to. Let us be your family." He hugged her closer, and he felt his eyes water up, but the tears never fell.

-NCIS-

A/N : This seems a little quick, but I felt that Jenny needed the support of her family. This is out of character for them both a lot. I hope you like and enjoy. Thanks for reading and the reviews!


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